Time to accept and change my point of emphasis

Dear James, Daniel and Emily,

I came across a very interesting article yesterday. The main point of the article was that there is very little real research on the long term problems of weight (if any) and the effect of the see saw of weight loss and gain. While I am not 100% sold on everything in the article I do know this: I dropped a lot of weight, and have gained a lot of it back over a rough 5 year period. And I have hard a very hard time getting back into the mind frame I had when I was dropping all that weight.

I also know this: I am somewhat obsessive compulsive, and depressive. Which means there are certain things that are good for me, and some that are not good for me. I know that sleep is very important for my mental health, I need sleep, and that means that I cannot be getting up at 5 AM every day without going to bed by 8-8:30 PM. And if I didn't have a family to spend time with I could accept that early bedtime. But I do, and that means I will only make that adjustment to my sleep schedule 2 days a week.

Which brings up another central point of that article. Losing weight, and then keeping it off require focus. You need to make that a part of your life. And I did that for a year or 2. Did I feel good about that? Physically I did feel good, I admit that. But it did eventually lead to other problems. Because I became obsessed with the exercise and weight. And when I couldn't control it it became a depressive spiral for me. It wouldn't be that way for everyone, but I know that is what happened to me.

Which brings me to where I am today. I can and will try to be mindful of what I eat. But I am done with the obsessive weight checking and calorie counting. And from an exercise standpoint my new priority is achievement. I am starting with getting myself to the point of running a 10K (although I don't have a specific race goal.) And part of that is setting a goal to reach a certain number of miles a week, then strive to change that each week.

And when the kids summer break begins, giving me a little more time in the mornings I may set an alternate goal for something else like push ups and/or sit ups. And also add a goal for hiking miles.

The point is that focusing on day to day stuff that can start the spiral for me. Or force me into an unhealthy obsessive mind set. I will instead choose to live my day to day life how I want, with other, different things on my mind. And just try to achieve certain goals, achievable goals that do not require a daily training regimen.

I know that on some level this sounds like a cop out. That I am giving up on that skinny guy. But the bigger point is that the only way I became that skinny guy was to become someone I wasn't comfortable with. I am comfortable now, and that is far more important to me.

Sometimes keeping patient is hard

Dear James, Daniel and Emily,

Today's Run

Had a good weekend running wise. Completed both my long runs, finally breaking the 2 mile mark again. And that felt great. And today went well, these are a little tricky because the transition from walk to sprint is not natural or smooth at this point. But all of these serve a purpose. They are all bricks in building myself back to my desired running level.

But sometimes it gets hard to not try for more, to not run when I should walk, to not sprint when I should just be running. I know that I need to follow and trust in the plan. I know I can trust it because the same type of plan got me through 3 Half marathons. But boy, there are some days; when I pass a part of a route that I used to run all the time, or have to cut my route short instead of doing the full thing I used to do; that I just want to do that whole route. I know I am not there, and that I am on pace to get back there, but it feels like I should be there already and why not push it and try? 

Keeping that voice in check, while still pushing to stick with the plan is definitely not easy. But at the same time I know it will be worth it. So I stick with it.

It was a.. run

Dear James, Daniel and Emily

Today's Run

Nothing special or new to report. My toe did start to act up a little so I had to adjust my form a little. I am trying my best to use this time as an opportunity to correct what little form I have. But otherwise it was a run, got out, ran in the cold, did my splits.

But really isn't kind of my goal? To reach the point where a run is just a run, rather than an achievement? In a way I do think that, I used to regularly run 3-4 3 mile runs a week, like clockwork, and that really is what I am striving to get back to.

A successful beginning

Dear James, Daniel and Emily

Today's Run

I had a goal at the end of the year, get back into condition, but first I started with a plan. My plan to start the year: start by running every other day, that was my goal for the month. The idea being to get into that running habit again. That was my first goal, the beginning of my plan to get back into the condition I want to be in.

And I can say that I met that beginning. I only flat skipped 1 scheduled workout. I moved a couple, but I got them done. But I achieved that beginning phase. I began the process. Now I can begin the second part of the process: watching what I eat. Not adhering to any strict eating protocol, just get into the habit of tracking every meal and snack. 

This month will be about 2 things: continuing to run, and getting back to tracking every meal and snack. I am making it easier on myself to moving to a set weekly running schedule, 4 days a week. And now I can begin the next part. 

Seeing the effects, bad and good

Dear James, Daniel and Emily

Today's Run

On today's run I found out 2 things. First, I saw just how far I have fallen off my previous running condition. I was able to run for the 10 minutes at speed like my training said I should today, but it was hard, and I was definitely ready to slow down when I was able to. Which is kind of alarming, feel bad that I let things get that far.

But, the second thing I noticed was that by following this new schedule and plan I was able to run that time this morning. And feel that if I just keep this up I will get back to where I once was. Which is the positive side of all this. It is something that I can do, and get done, I just have to keep working on it.

Pushing ahead, Making time

Dear James, Daniel and Emily

Today's Run

I had a somewhat late night last night, my brain was buzzing with role playing ideas. It wasn't easy to get to sleep, and that made it hard to wake up. I definitely tinkered with the idea of skipping my run. But I pushed myself out of bed and pushed ahead with the training plan, and the habit of running every other day.

Saturday's Run

Saturday was a little harder, I couldn't get up early enough to run before it was time to get out of the house for Jimmy's wrestling tournament. So I thought about skipping it altogether, or maybe running Sunday morning and just doing a back to back. But I had enough time in the afternoon that I just got out the door and did it then, again, pushing myself, and sticking to the habit of every other day.

That is what it is all about now, getting that habit to stick, and laying the groundwork for longer runs. And so far I am sticking to that.

Not letting a little weather slow me down

Dear James, Daniel and Emily

Today's Run

You know how I know that this is getting to be a habit again? I knew going to bed that today was a 2 hour delay for the kids school. Which meant I didn't have to get out of bed so early for a run, I had plenty of extra time. But I still set my alarm, and tried to just snooze it out, but when the dog started whining I said what the hell and got out of bed.

And when Kim saw me she asked if I was going to go play in the snow, and my response was yes. I wasn't going to let the 4-5 inches of snow, and some ice on crosswalks, and single digit temperatures stop me. Oh it was cold, and there a couple of times when I asked myself what on earth I was doing out in this cold. But in the end I got it done, and feel better as a result.

I am close to the end of the month and the running habit is close to settling in as permanent. I'll give it another week and then maybe start adding healthier eating and food tracking. But one step at a time still. 

Not letting 1 miss ruin my progress

Dear James, Daniel and Emily,

Today's Run

I missed my run Friday, just didn't feel right, stayed home from work with Danny, who was also under the weather. Then Sunday I didn't feel up to running when I got up, I was exhausted from the previous day. But I finally got up the energy and got out the door and ran.

Today I got up on time, went and did my run. Really my best run of the year, turned in a real solid effort and 12 minute mile. 

The lesson I am learning is that I just cannot let that 1 miss affect me long term, I've got to move on and just tackle the next scheduled workout. And that is exactly what I did. And I felt really good as a result, not just because I didn't let that miss screw me up. But also because I had such a good run, holding a real good pace for a longer time.

My focus is on 2 things right now: make sure I run, and when I do follow my pace. Because I am trusting in the app to get me up to the desired speeds. And not trying to push myself so much that I cannot make the next run. It isn't all easy right now, getting this started is not easy, but at least I can say I am doing it.

It's all building bricks

Dear James, Daniel and Emily

Today's Run

When I feel a little down for barely making a mile in my runs these days I just remind myself: these are the building blocks. I didn't walk out the door 5 years ago able to run half marathons. I had to build myself up to that distance. I also didn't walk out running 7 minute miles, I never ran that fast...

It is just building at this point. Getting back into the habit of getting up at 0 dark thirty and pushing myself out the door. Once I get that established it will make it all easier. And every mile ran now will make those miles in the future easier. 

It is just keeping at it, getting that time in, and the knowledge that I will reach a point where the 5K's are a regular 'short' run. I don't know if my feet will let me do another Half, but I want to at least reach a point where I think about trying. But I have to walk and slowly run these cold dark miles in the snow first.

Keeping the momentum going

Dear James, Daniel and Emily

Starting a running program in the middle of winter means having to cope with weather. But I need to do it now in order to be at a decent place come spring and warmer weather. But in order to cope there are 3 options: gain access to a treadmill so I can run in shelter, run in the weather, or not run.

Today's Run

Guess what? I don't have access to a treadmill right now. And it is way too early to have the option of skipping, because I need to get the habit of running restored. So I have one option: run outside. Which meant when the storm last night dumped 3-4 inches of wet snow overnight I still had to get up and trudge down to the track. At least my runs are short, and there is a close track where I don't have to worry about hidden ice on sidewalks. So I did it, wasn't easy, running in wet snow is like running on wet sand, really works the legs. But I feel much better having done so (and virtuous.)

It's not much, but it's a start

Dear James, Daniel and Emily,

Dragged myself out of bed at O dark thirty for a run for the first time in a long while (All of my previous efforts the last month were not so early or on a vacation or weekend day.) Went down to the track and started up.

First Workout

It wasn't much, barley broke a mile. And it wasn't a great effort, barely broke a sweat. But you know what? I did it! I got up and out of bed and ran. It is a start, I still have to take it one run at a time. But the important thing is that I did start.

Starting over, feels good

Dear James, Daniel and Emily,

Had to face facts, and accept that I just need to start over with the running. The combination of depression, injury and holiday season completely threw off my running mojo. And several months of less and less frequent running have taken their toll.

So it is time to start over. I went to my trusty MiCoach, created a new plan with the goal of a 10K. And chose the option of starting from scratch, because I am being honest with myself. And today I got started.

Assessment workout

That wasn't easy, and it is good that I am being honest, because that was a pretty poor showing. I clearly have a lot of work to do. But I have to start somewhere. It will be some short workouts to start, while I get going, and nothing real big. My plan is to run every other day, with no back to backs, so I get a rest day after every run.

Along with this Kim and I are trying to get a little more sensible with our eating habits. I'm not going to focus on that as much right now, as I focus on restoring the running habit. It will be a journey, but I am actually excited to get going on that journey, having taken the first steps.