Time to accept and change my point of emphasis

Dear James, Daniel and Emily,

I came across a very interesting article yesterday. The main point of the article was that there is very little real research on the long term problems of weight (if any) and the effect of the see saw of weight loss and gain. While I am not 100% sold on everything in the article I do know this: I dropped a lot of weight, and have gained a lot of it back over a rough 5 year period. And I have hard a very hard time getting back into the mind frame I had when I was dropping all that weight.

I also know this: I am somewhat obsessive compulsive, and depressive. Which means there are certain things that are good for me, and some that are not good for me. I know that sleep is very important for my mental health, I need sleep, and that means that I cannot be getting up at 5 AM every day without going to bed by 8-8:30 PM. And if I didn't have a family to spend time with I could accept that early bedtime. But I do, and that means I will only make that adjustment to my sleep schedule 2 days a week.

Which brings up another central point of that article. Losing weight, and then keeping it off require focus. You need to make that a part of your life. And I did that for a year or 2. Did I feel good about that? Physically I did feel good, I admit that. But it did eventually lead to other problems. Because I became obsessed with the exercise and weight. And when I couldn't control it it became a depressive spiral for me. It wouldn't be that way for everyone, but I know that is what happened to me.

Which brings me to where I am today. I can and will try to be mindful of what I eat. But I am done with the obsessive weight checking and calorie counting. And from an exercise standpoint my new priority is achievement. I am starting with getting myself to the point of running a 10K (although I don't have a specific race goal.) And part of that is setting a goal to reach a certain number of miles a week, then strive to change that each week.

And when the kids summer break begins, giving me a little more time in the mornings I may set an alternate goal for something else like push ups and/or sit ups. And also add a goal for hiking miles.

The point is that focusing on day to day stuff that can start the spiral for me. Or force me into an unhealthy obsessive mind set. I will instead choose to live my day to day life how I want, with other, different things on my mind. And just try to achieve certain goals, achievable goals that do not require a daily training regimen.

I know that on some level this sounds like a cop out. That I am giving up on that skinny guy. But the bigger point is that the only way I became that skinny guy was to become someone I wasn't comfortable with. I am comfortable now, and that is far more important to me.