So today I had this great idea for a post, about friendship and expanding circles of friendship. And I will talk about that. But first I have to tell you about the really irritating thing that happened to me on the way to work. Everything was going well for me this morning, I dropped Kim off at work, then headed to work. Then as I turned off the Highway onto Academy all I saw on the side of the road were people with anti-abortion posters. Apparently they had decided to make a big splash right there today. Now normally I don't care if these people are standing around in front of Planned Parenthood, but when they get in my face on the way to work, even going so far as to try and come up to my car while I was waiting to turn...
To say the least I was mad, when that woman made as if to come up to the car with her leaflets I made sure to make eye contact and shake my head so she stopped right there and went on to the next car. Needless to say I am strongly pro-choice and I find the fear tactics of these people extremely distasteful. And to have to face them on the side of the road on my way to work angered me considerably.
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This morning an interesting idea occurred to me. The idea was how our friendships develop in a circular pattern. And how I am starting to see that develop with James.
When we are born and very young, our friendships, the people we play with is very limited, like an inner sphere, to the members of our family. Which geographically can be limited to our homes. We don't develop tight friendships with people outside the home in most cases.
When we progress to a certain age we look beyond our homes, but not very far. At this stage our friendships generally come from the area just outside our homes, the neighbors, be they next door, across the street or a few houses down. Generally this next line is what is in reasonable walking distance for a youngster up to 6-7 years old.
The next circle comes when kids start to enter school, and how the next circle is the friends you go to school with. They may not be right next door any more, they may live several blocks away because the geography of schools in most cases works that way. So while initially they may not be within walking distance, by the time the friendships have really taken hold they often are, or at least within bike riding distance. James likes to talk about being able to ride his bike to his buddy Miles' house (of course he has to learn to ride the bike first). This circle is probably one of the largest in terms of time, because it generally spans Elementary school and in some cases Middle school.
Next is the big jump that comes in High School and eventually learning to drive. Because High Schools encompass a much larger area geographically you pretty much have to drive or be driven to visits with a lot of the friends you develop in this age group. I would call this the mobility circle, because friendships develop that would never develop without the mobility of a car.
The College Circle is stranger. You have the larger range of friends in that they will probably come from all over the place, in some cases coming from other countries. But because you are in college, and the commonality is therefore a pretty small area geographically it is a different dynamic. And because there is a likelihood that the friendships will scatter after college it almost looks more like a star than a circle.
Then comes the Job circle, where your friendships often come from people you meet at work. Which becomes a smaller band and circle, which becomes a trend. After the far flung friendships that come from college your life and groups of friends begin to contract geographically. Oh the friendships you made earlier can still be there, and with the aid of the Internet nowadays it is easier than ever to maintain those long distance friendships. But your day to day friendships contract to those people in your immediate area.
The last big contraction of the circle comes from having your own family. Coming back to the smaller inner sphere of your own home. Most of your life becomes zeroed in on your kids and spouse and things you do with them, and also those friendships that you can find the time to maintain whilst keeping the family focus going.
Here is a (very) raw sketch of what I am talking about:
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