Time to accept and change my point of emphasis

Dear James, Daniel and Emily,

I came across a very interesting article yesterday. The main point of the article was that there is very little real research on the long term problems of weight (if any) and the effect of the see saw of weight loss and gain. While I am not 100% sold on everything in the article I do know this: I dropped a lot of weight, and have gained a lot of it back over a rough 5 year period. And I have hard a very hard time getting back into the mind frame I had when I was dropping all that weight.

I also know this: I am somewhat obsessive compulsive, and depressive. Which means there are certain things that are good for me, and some that are not good for me. I know that sleep is very important for my mental health, I need sleep, and that means that I cannot be getting up at 5 AM every day without going to bed by 8-8:30 PM. And if I didn't have a family to spend time with I could accept that early bedtime. But I do, and that means I will only make that adjustment to my sleep schedule 2 days a week.

Which brings up another central point of that article. Losing weight, and then keeping it off require focus. You need to make that a part of your life. And I did that for a year or 2. Did I feel good about that? Physically I did feel good, I admit that. But it did eventually lead to other problems. Because I became obsessed with the exercise and weight. And when I couldn't control it it became a depressive spiral for me. It wouldn't be that way for everyone, but I know that is what happened to me.

Which brings me to where I am today. I can and will try to be mindful of what I eat. But I am done with the obsessive weight checking and calorie counting. And from an exercise standpoint my new priority is achievement. I am starting with getting myself to the point of running a 10K (although I don't have a specific race goal.) And part of that is setting a goal to reach a certain number of miles a week, then strive to change that each week.

And when the kids summer break begins, giving me a little more time in the mornings I may set an alternate goal for something else like push ups and/or sit ups. And also add a goal for hiking miles.

The point is that focusing on day to day stuff that can start the spiral for me. Or force me into an unhealthy obsessive mind set. I will instead choose to live my day to day life how I want, with other, different things on my mind. And just try to achieve certain goals, achievable goals that do not require a daily training regimen.

I know that on some level this sounds like a cop out. That I am giving up on that skinny guy. But the bigger point is that the only way I became that skinny guy was to become someone I wasn't comfortable with. I am comfortable now, and that is far more important to me.

Sometimes keeping patient is hard

Dear James, Daniel and Emily,

Today's Run

Had a good weekend running wise. Completed both my long runs, finally breaking the 2 mile mark again. And that felt great. And today went well, these are a little tricky because the transition from walk to sprint is not natural or smooth at this point. But all of these serve a purpose. They are all bricks in building myself back to my desired running level.

But sometimes it gets hard to not try for more, to not run when I should walk, to not sprint when I should just be running. I know that I need to follow and trust in the plan. I know I can trust it because the same type of plan got me through 3 Half marathons. But boy, there are some days; when I pass a part of a route that I used to run all the time, or have to cut my route short instead of doing the full thing I used to do; that I just want to do that whole route. I know I am not there, and that I am on pace to get back there, but it feels like I should be there already and why not push it and try? 

Keeping that voice in check, while still pushing to stick with the plan is definitely not easy. But at the same time I know it will be worth it. So I stick with it.

It was a.. run

Dear James, Daniel and Emily

Today's Run

Nothing special or new to report. My toe did start to act up a little so I had to adjust my form a little. I am trying my best to use this time as an opportunity to correct what little form I have. But otherwise it was a run, got out, ran in the cold, did my splits.

But really isn't kind of my goal? To reach the point where a run is just a run, rather than an achievement? In a way I do think that, I used to regularly run 3-4 3 mile runs a week, like clockwork, and that really is what I am striving to get back to.

A successful beginning

Dear James, Daniel and Emily

Today's Run

I had a goal at the end of the year, get back into condition, but first I started with a plan. My plan to start the year: start by running every other day, that was my goal for the month. The idea being to get into that running habit again. That was my first goal, the beginning of my plan to get back into the condition I want to be in.

And I can say that I met that beginning. I only flat skipped 1 scheduled workout. I moved a couple, but I got them done. But I achieved that beginning phase. I began the process. Now I can begin the second part of the process: watching what I eat. Not adhering to any strict eating protocol, just get into the habit of tracking every meal and snack. 

This month will be about 2 things: continuing to run, and getting back to tracking every meal and snack. I am making it easier on myself to moving to a set weekly running schedule, 4 days a week. And now I can begin the next part.