3 Simple things

Dear James, Daniel and Emily,

On my daily walk today I was pondering what I would like to say to the person I know who is deep trouble at the moment. I won't go into detail except to say that this person is in legal trouble, and it is trouble that was a long time coming and in a great part of her own doing. And I was thinking what would be the simplest thing I could teach this person as they (hopefully) recover from what is (again hopefully) rock bottom. And I decided that it would be to practice saying 3 simple things and mean it: Please, Thank you, and I'm Sorry.

These 3 things cost nothing, it is not hard to say them, and yet they can mean a world of difference to the person hearing them. There's a whole lot of other parts to life, but if I wanted to boil down the essence of what I wanted to teach my children it would come down to these 3 things in a lot of ways.

Please

Saying please and meaning it doesn't just get someone to listen, but it also gets them to realize and understand that you want what you are asking for. It also implies a level of respect, instead of just demanding, like asking a dog to drop a ball or taking away a dangerous item from a baby, you are instead showing the person you are talking to that you respect them enough to ask nicely and politely. Like the old saying it is easier to catch flies with honey than vinegar it is easier to get what you want when you simply ask with a please. I often find myself saying it twice when I ask my kids to do something: "could you please get your shoes on please?". And it helps immensely whenver dealing with a stranger in a service setting.

Thank You

Works hand in hand with Please. This is another simple one, and if there is any single big complaint about the person mentioned above it is that they almost never say thank you when someone does something for them. And it means so much. From simply saying it when someone holds a door open to when someone responds to a big request. It goes a long way to getting someone to repeat a favor or provide future assistance. And when you don't say it the person who has offered that helping hand can feel like you slapped that helping hand. And again it doesn't cost a thing, just saying 2 simple words when someone has offered a kindness.

I'm Sorry

This is the biggest one. It's huge, and means so much. It's so easy, yet so hard. Because saying I am sorry implies that you did something wrong, accept that you did it, and you want to make amends. And that is not as easy as it sounds, because most people like to think they are doing the right thing all the time, we don't want to think we did something wrong. And saying I am sorry means accepting that you did do something wrong, even if you had no intention of it. And it does require some sense of humility to accept you made a mistake. But telling someone you are sorry can mean the whole world to them, and again doesn't really cost you anything, not in the long run. Maybe a little dignity at that precise moment.

I think that if this person could practice and learn to do those 3 things above as they struggle to recover from (again hopefully) rock bottom they could make big strides. Will they learn them? Who knows, based on prior experience I doubt it, but you never know. I have other members of my extended family that I would not have bet on who did finally learn these lessons, so it is not impossible. And I earnestly hope that they will learn them before it doesn't matter any more. Because there are some things that no amount of I'm sorry's can cure.