Fatherhood

Last night my mom said something that came across to me as a great compliment, she said she was very comfortable with my kids because I am raising them the same way I was raised. That may not seem like a compliment but it was to me. For the very simple reason that overall I am pretty comfortable in my own skin, and have been for several years now. And I have lived most of my life looking forward, instead of sitting around pondering the past and wishing I had made different choices. And if that is because of the way I was raised, then I guess I could do a lot worse than raising my kids the same way.

For several years, and more so in recent years I have come to the conclusion that the ultimate sign of masculinity, of being a 'real man' is to be a father. Being buff, in great shape, drinking the most beers, knowing how to shoot, fix a car, throw a ball, none of those things proves you are more of a man than being a father. And I think that message is lost in our culture at times. And I am not just talking about getting a girl pregnant, any fool can do that, I mean stepping up and raising that child.

All of this leads up to my praise of my own father. I love my Dad, not just because he's my Dad but because of who he is. All of my friends often praise my dad, asking about him and what he is up to. He is a truly unique character in so many ways. How many 69 year old men arrange their retirement schedule so they can get up early 3 day a week and go play basketball with a bunch of 18-25 year olds? Or play soccer with similar groups at lunch times? And at the same time describe themselves as a recluse? Or are willing to move out of their house for a couple of months so the renters of the house next door can move into while their house is being renovated?

Dad gave me so many things: my love of reading, sports, the outdoors, and anything new. My thirst for knowledge, useful and not so useful comes from him. And my groundedness, my stability in the face of the consistent chaos that comes from being married with children also stems from him, watching him become stepfather to 4 teenagers and later foster parent to other children, while also inviting his mother to live in the same household. When I think of my childhood: 3 of us boys, mostly living with our Mom, but spending a fair amount of time at our Dad's, where there were 2-4 step siblings around at various times, plus my grandmother, plus my stepmother running a day care center, first from their house, then across the street. So imagine complete chaos. Yet in the face of all that there was order, we all sat down together at the dinner table every night, had to listen to Dad's announcements, and everyone chipped in with the cooking & cleaning. And it was Dad's calm in the face of all that, and his willingness to step up and be there for his kids and the step kids that I learned from.

More often than not Dad was always there for the right lesson at the right time, usually taught in ways that made it easy to learn. And I am still learning to this day, and that was the greatest lesson of all: learning never ever stops, and being coachable can be the greatest talent of all. And if I can be the same father to my kids that my Dad was (and still is) to me, then I know I will have done a good job.